My Skewed Version of Happiness Isn't Accurate
by forbrighterdays
Summary: She thinks that she can make him want her. She can’t; that was never their problem. He always wanted her.


This story just came out of nowhere, and I couldn't stop writing. It's all over the place, and I refused to use the character names, so if you get confused along the way, I'm sorry. (: haha. The tenses might be off in a few places, but I kind of liked how random it all seemed. Enjoy!

**My Skewed Version of Happiness Isn't Accurate.**

**-**

She thinks that she can make him want her. She can't; that was never their problem. He always wanted her.

He thinks that by hooking up with Serena, his girl will see that he's not looking for who she has become; he wants the girl she always was. The one that would have water fights with him instead of going down to help with dinner, and the one who skipped across the street just because she felt like it, _whenever_ she felt like it.

Communication was never their strong suit, that's the reason they were always more comfortable in the silence. They could feel a sense of peace in just _being _with the other, but that could never seem to carry over to their thoughts and actions. And silent love only takes you so far.

She thought that looking perfect everyday and matching the right shoes with the perfect headband and purse would make him happy to call her his own, never knowing that he loved his place in this girl's life when she had just woken up from a nap; hair disheveled and in one of his ratty lacrosse tees.

He thought that maybe, just maybe, when Serena left, the best friend she had left behind would stop trying to be the center of attention. He just wanted her to be the way she had been her whole life. She wasn't always a status-obsessed attention seeking person; she did about more things than her social standing; at one point.

She thought that by sleeping with Chuck, her boy would get a wake up call and run back to her in an instant.

They were always trying to teach each other a lesson anyway.

It didn't work; the logical part of her knew it wouldn't, but the romantic in her did.

He let her down, just like he always seemed to be doing lately.

She doesn't know where the turning point for her was; can't seem to fathom why she would ever drop anyone to be with Chuck Bass, especially the one boy she would always love above all others. But it was prom, and she was being overdramatic, as always, and so it was done. Just like that.

The fact that he doesn't fight back for everything they've worked so hard to perfect in the least is the thing that crushes her the most, she who had given everything she had to be with this boy and help him through all problems that would arise. She's almost glad that Chuck is finally ready for a real relationship. She needs _something_, after all.

This is the end of them and she knows it. The definite, final blow, never to be resurrected again, end. They won't come back together a third time; history and personal experience has taught her that. She's just curious to know if he's aware like she is.

-

Months pass and they're at college, but the only time they see one another is at family functions and charity events; it's not enough. It never will be.

They're complete strangers again for the second time in two years and she knows they were never meant to be like this. They had always been something so much more.

College passes and so does the time. They've moved on with their new lives. She's married and he's married, and they still haven't found any time for each other. This is the point where they each realize they never will.

He doesn't mean to avoid her at parties, but he always does. The ring showcased on his wife's finger seems horribly misplaced, and once again he thinks about how miniscule his chance at happiness really was; he was destined to screw up somehow.

She sees him enjoying himself often; always with his wife. He'll never be her's again, she knows that, but she never saw him being the husband to anyone when she wasn't the wife in the equation.

And yet, they still love each other all the while; there's no doubting that, even after everything, for indifference wasn't something that was given by hate, but something that becomes accessible when the one you love isn't the one you're with.

-

-

He sees that she still wears his ring everyday. It's a trinket and a symbol of love that she will never part with. He'll never take it from her, even when she wears it on her left ring finger instead of the wedding ring his best friend gave her.

She does notice when he wears her green sweater, it's always underneath multiple layers; but nevertheless, she sees it, and it makes her smile.

They aren't friends any longer, they haven't been for more time than either of them can think to remember. They are personable in public, but not personal. He knows it's something that they'll never get back, and if she was on speaking terms with him at all, he knows she would agree.

-

-

-

-

He throws his phone straight into the wall when Chuck delivers the good news. 'She just had our son! Named him William.'

He knows the significance of the name, and he knows it's a tribute to him and the memories he and his girl had shared over the years. The son might have been possible by Chuck, but her husband isn't the one she'll think of first when she thinks of her son. He wonders if his best friend has realized this.

William Harold Bass; that was their son's name. William for him, Harold for her father, and Bass for her husband; what names to live up to.

-

-

-

His first daughter's name is Audrey, and when she finds out, she locks herself in her room and cries for weeks.

Audrey Caroline Archibald; that's his daughter's name. She knows exactly where Audrey comes from, and she'd be unrealistically dreaming if she thought Caroline came from _Love Among Thieves, _but she'll cling to it because it's beautiful nonetheless.

She wonders if there was a struggle, when he and his wife were picking a name. She'd never really talked to Mrs. Archibald, and wishful thinking is telling her that her name has come up in their conversations multiple times. But she doesn't think her love for Audrey would be a topic he would dive into. She'll never know.

This isn't how it was supposed to be, and she hates that it's the way things are. Only a boy like the one that she had would ever consider naming their daughter Audrey; and she loves him for it more than ever, even if it's not her daughter.

-

-

-

Years from now, they'll be given a chance to attempt to rekindle the love that was once so wonderful and magnificent and completely them, but not before her husband will die and his wife will leave him with nothing worth living for in this world but their daughter.

They'll be with each other for comfort and solace and safekeeping, nothing more and nothing less. They're still just in love as they always were, same people too, just older, and more broken than they were before.

Their firstborns are married now, surprisingly to each other. It's wonderful to see them together. Audrey and William, perfect from the beginning, just like their parents (_had_) could have been.

The world was never a fair place, and they could never be ready for the other at the right time. She refuses to think that it was fate that kept them apart, and he'll continue to preach that it was all his fault, even when she won't let him say it out loud.

It doesn't really matter anymore. Even after everything their lives have put them through, they're finally together again, and this time they'll never be parted.

Much later on, when they're old and fragile and gray, they'll intertwine their hands one night during their slumber and pass straight into their eternal resting place; together.

Blair Waldorf always knew there wasn't much a world for her without Nate Archibald.


End file.
